My path today isn’t any less clouded and confusing than it was 3 years ago, or 2 ears ago. I have a felling, in fact, that it’s not going to be any less puzzling 2 years from now. My future is everything just short of certain, and more than ever I think I’m kind of ok with that. I’m ok with a lot of things I wasn’t ok with before. A lot has changed, and a lot will change.

This is like so many State of the Yok addresses that have come along before. It’s a little snapshot of the me that exists right now, it’s a contrast piece when put next to the me that was in times past, and thought today I have few tangible achievements, there is a lot I can be proud of.

But what hasn’t changed? I’m still at odds with who I am. I always have been, and probably always will be. I have to stop you right there though. I don’t mean that in the obvious way I’m sure some people would assume. I struggle with where I fit in the world based on who I am, but I’m certainly ok with it. When I say I’m at odds with who I am I mean to say that my aspirations conflict with my constraints. The things I want to do in life are exactly the things I won’t let myself do, or that I find impossible for the silliest of reasons. This has always been true.

I still find that the things I want most out of my current point in life are exactly the things I won’t be able to have. This applies to a few specific things, but I suppose the details aren’t worth exploring here. I should just know when it’s time to give up hope on certain aspirations, and more actively seek new opportunities to explore the incredible people and personalities I’m sure exist somewhere.

This is the perfect segway into the last major thing that has not changed. My logical mind is still no match for my will, my heart, and my emotion. An ounce of thought will tell me exactly how I should handle my own little problems and conundrums. A little thought tells me what thing is should hunt down and go after, and what things I should have given up on long ago. A little bit of sense shows me all the right answers. And when push comes to shove, I don’t listen to an ounce of reason. No logical argument I made to myself can drive me where I know I should go.

What has changed?

Everything else, to be specific.